comfort in knowing...

I read a passage in a book today (pathetically a self-help book titled It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken...shh, don't tell!) that really got to the core of all this. It read, "Starting today, you're not the kind of woman who settles for broken or hangs on to damaged goods." And it dawned on me, I had been so comfortable with Christian that I refused to see tell tale signs that our relationship wasn't heading in a Godly direction. We were broken (revelation #2). Sunday in church Scott (our minister) spoke about prayer and how it is often accompanied by preconceived outcomes. We pray and expect exactly what we asked for, in the time we see fit, and for it all to be neatly packaged precisely the way we had wanted. I broke down during Scott's sermon after remembering one of my own preconceived prayers. I remembered being fed up with the ups and downs of our relationship and wanting God to give me a clear cut answer on whether we were meant to be. Expecting God to be some cut-rate fortune teller who'd give me the answer he knew I wanted because it was easy, I was confident he'd affirm my affections. But he didn't. The very next week Christian broke up with me. And while I lay devastated in a friend's apartment with swollen eyes and melted half-baked ice-cream still stuck to the ends of my hair, I seriously contemplated the capacity of coincidence. At the end of the day, someone I loved dearly, trusted, and valued took a look at the awesomeness that is me (: )) and said, "Nah, no thanks." Rejection hurts and so clearly, it was just easier to blame the devastation on God. I did this for a while, quite a while...until a friend pointed out that if I thought Christian was great, I am going to be beyond speechless when God places the right man into my life (revelation #3). She was right, and my best friend meeting a wonderful God loving man a month after she broke up with her Christian really shattered my confidence in coincidence. How comforting is it to know that God has a bigger and better plan for me, that I can rest in knowing my creator wants better for me?

Isaiah 41:10  fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.